Seems the secrets I encountered in the grave were spot on.
Shame seems to be the common denominator. Shame for who I am all my life. A gay man raised in a Southern Baptist culture of hiding and guilt and every path leads to Hell...regardless of how perfect one is. Still Hell.
I have spent all the years since the AIDS virus running away from the finger pointing hypocrisy of the church. Even protesting with ACT UP Atlanta against the damning messages of Charles Stanley in his long gone Peachtree Shrine - The First Baptist Church.
In reviewing Week 19, There has been great strides in my energy level, even getting to the gym twice. Focusing more on my life and taking time for me while dreading the trip home for Thanksgiving. It just all seems so fake.
It is very ironic to me that people are SO worried about me yet my phone hasn't rung in 4 months. Shallowness and fakery. So I have to refocus on me and the reason I am going which is to see my parents. I do enjoy time with them.
Talked at length this week with one of my best friends. We have similar issues in regards to shame and family issues. It is amazing to both of us that we have accomplished so many wonder things in this life and we receive absolutely no positive, or negative for that matter, reinforcements from our biological family. I think we have both realized our support groups are really really small. So happy to have him in my life.
Today is Saturday, November 15. Will be running around all afternoon working on various art projects. Should be wonderful as I continue to shed the past.
Shame seems to be the common denominator. Shame for who I am all my life. A gay man raised in a Southern Baptist culture of hiding and guilt and every path leads to Hell...regardless of how perfect one is. Still Hell.
I have spent all the years since the AIDS virus running away from the finger pointing hypocrisy of the church. Even protesting with ACT UP Atlanta against the damning messages of Charles Stanley in his long gone Peachtree Shrine - The First Baptist Church.
In reviewing Week 19, There has been great strides in my energy level, even getting to the gym twice. Focusing more on my life and taking time for me while dreading the trip home for Thanksgiving. It just all seems so fake.
It is very ironic to me that people are SO worried about me yet my phone hasn't rung in 4 months. Shallowness and fakery. So I have to refocus on me and the reason I am going which is to see my parents. I do enjoy time with them.
Talked at length this week with one of my best friends. We have similar issues in regards to shame and family issues. It is amazing to both of us that we have accomplished so many wonder things in this life and we receive absolutely no positive, or negative for that matter, reinforcements from our biological family. I think we have both realized our support groups are really really small. So happy to have him in my life.
Today is Saturday, November 15. Will be running around all afternoon working on various art projects. Should be wonderful as I continue to shed the past.
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