As the first week of this journey comes to an end, it has become very clear to me that this change in my life was a result of my installation in Indianapolis, FREE SPIRIT:Memories not yet Remembered.
As I spent the two days uncovering 53 secrets from my past - it became very apparent that I have had many events happen in my life that have made me be safely uncomfortably OK with my situation in regards to shame, my passive nature, and repression. As I opened each jar, my soul spoke to me as I revisited each "secret" and examined how each shaped the person I have become. Therapy in the highest degree.
I learned in teose two days it was time to reexamine my state of being and state of happiness.
I was aware that I had learned a lot by standing in my grave those two days.....but just how much....I continue to uncover.
It is clear that I have unreasonable expectations in regards to my family. They do not understand who I am nor do they want to know. I must work on forgetting my uber-positive delusional ideas of future get togethers, vacations, drop bys. Not gonna happen. I have spent a good deal of my past thinking that one day everything will be perfect. My brother will invite us to something....an over nighter at their place? My parents will engage Melindo in a family way. That my sister will find her good place with us in regards to her new found religiousness. Not gonna happen. I will attempt to no longer dream of a family that wants to be a part of mine. Slowly I will learn to be OK with this. I did not fully realize how much of my time is spent fantasizing about such a nirvana of a family nucleus. Need to focus on more positive situations with more realistic outcomes.
I also worry greatly about things that do not need worrying about. I need to realize that everything is pretty much ideal in my life at this time and I need to recognize that and breath.
As of today I am down .......pounds from where I was only last week. Due in part to three things. 1. My awareness that it is time to work on things I do have control over. 2. Hypnosis. Sean Wheeler's recording always work and I do not understand why I cannot find time to lay down and be still for 20 minutes everyday. 3. Quick Weight Loss Centers. I did this back in 1988. The last time I was at my perfect weight. Their methods are great and absolutely work. I will use these methods to be a success. The physical will support the metal will support the spiritual.
As I spent the two days uncovering 53 secrets from my past - it became very apparent that I have had many events happen in my life that have made me be safely uncomfortably OK with my situation in regards to shame, my passive nature, and repression. As I opened each jar, my soul spoke to me as I revisited each "secret" and examined how each shaped the person I have become. Therapy in the highest degree.
I learned in teose two days it was time to reexamine my state of being and state of happiness.
I was aware that I had learned a lot by standing in my grave those two days.....but just how much....I continue to uncover.
It is clear that I have unreasonable expectations in regards to my family. They do not understand who I am nor do they want to know. I must work on forgetting my uber-positive delusional ideas of future get togethers, vacations, drop bys. Not gonna happen. I have spent a good deal of my past thinking that one day everything will be perfect. My brother will invite us to something....an over nighter at their place? My parents will engage Melindo in a family way. That my sister will find her good place with us in regards to her new found religiousness. Not gonna happen. I will attempt to no longer dream of a family that wants to be a part of mine. Slowly I will learn to be OK with this. I did not fully realize how much of my time is spent fantasizing about such a nirvana of a family nucleus. Need to focus on more positive situations with more realistic outcomes.
I also worry greatly about things that do not need worrying about. I need to realize that everything is pretty much ideal in my life at this time and I need to recognize that and breath.
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